The news media has all had their panties in a bundle over the Tiger Woods incident recently. While I like juicy gossip more then most people, I am already bored with "Tigergate."

The reality of the situation is that we probably won't ever know what happened to cause that crash but if we want to speculate (and we do)..... Tiger's wife probably found out he was cheating, started chasing him around the house threatening to beat him to death with a golf club so he took off in the car to get away from her. Unfortunately he lost control of the car and crashed which gave her a GREAT opportunity to drag him out into the street and beat him senseless.

Now if this is actually what happened, I say more power to her. I am generally not an advocate of violence, but the moral of the story here is don't cheat on your wife and you won't get beaten in the face with your own golf club.

Clearly Tiger had never heard the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

Elin.... I am pretty sure since you look like this

you could take Tiger to court, get half his property and find yourself a new man.

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So as a member of the world's pale force, summer always brings out the inevitable comments from people who see me in a swim suit:

" God you are so pale"

" Wow we should call you Casper."

and my personal favorite

"Wow you must never get any sun!"

What I want to ask these people is.... When did being tan become a requirement?

I did not have any control over the color of my skin, and even if I was to sit outside in the sun all day long every day, I would not be tan.... I would be in the hospital being treated for second degree burns. If I don't lather every inch of my body up with 40 SPF every time I venture out into the sun, these same morons would be telling me "Wow you look like a lobster."

So explain to me oh judgers of pale people.... how would you suggest I change my skin color?

Some have suggested using a fake tanner but I think I will pass on looking like an oompa loompa... and more importantly why should I have to? Is there some sort of rule that being tan is a qualification for being attractive?

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been known for the pale color of their skin. Anne Hathaway, Nicole Kidman and Marilyn Monroe didn't color their skin orange to fit in, so why should I?

So the next time a moron decides to comment on my lack of pigmentation I will tell them I think I see a cancer spot growing on their back.






OR


HUM...... such a tough choice to make

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