Everywhere I look while driving I see these horrible little stick figure family bumper stickers, and I wonder WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU GET ONE???

As a driver who sees this sticker I am here to tell you.... I don't care how many kids, cats, dogs or people that are in your car!

I also don't care that the people in the car like to dance, swim, cheerlead, shop or any other of the numerous activities that this stupid stick family is advertising.

Whenever I see a car that has this sticker I automatically assume that the people inside it are NOT people I would want to spend time with.

Do yourself a favor... drop the cutesy crap. Nobody likes cutesy

|

Let me go on record first to tell you that "I HATE SKINNY JEANS." I have several friends who love them but every time I see someone wearing them I just feel uncomfortable for them. Nothing that tight can possibly be comfortable.

As much as I hate skinny jeans as a general fashion trend, I despise skinny jeans for men more then most trends out there. Fortunately for me I am out of the dating world and it would be a cold day in hell before my husband wore such an item. If I was a single girl out there and a man wore skinny jeans on a date I would immediately get up and leave after informing him never to call me again.

While this may seem minorly harsh, I am of the mind set that men should actually look like men. The skinny jean on a man just creates WAY too much androgyny.

When I was dating I only had three finite rules.
1.) Don't date men who weigh less then you.
2.) Don't date men you could beat up.
3.) Don't date men who beat you up.

If I was still dating I would have to add a fourth rule... NEVER date a man who wears skinny jeans.

Although really rule number 4 could possibly be covered in rule number 3 since men wearing skinny jeans is essentially like beating up my eyeballs. For example....

|

I know that leggings have been the fashion trend of year but I have some serious questions about when it became ok to use leggings in place of pants. Leggings are meant to be a form of hosiery worn under a dress or some other item of clothing that will cover your lady bits.

Another problem with people wearing leggings instead of pants, is the increasingly common "camel toe" syndrome. As evident in the following picture

In this photo, not only is this lady wearing leggings instead of pants, and rocking a serious camel toe, but she is wearing leggings that are supposed to look like jeans but really they are leggings. This violates so many fashion rules that there simply isn't enough time to comment on them all. I won't even touch the issue of her shirt/bra.

Now if you are going to wear leggings (which I have on occasion) You want to wear them under something that covers all of your parts! For example the following cute ladies:

 





















Now I don't claim to understand some of the things that turn into "high fashion" trends, but it doesn't take a fashion genius to know that if people can see an anatomically correct outline of what is between your legs then clearly you have failed to put on all the necessary clothing items for a trip out in public.
 

|

The news media has all had their panties in a bundle over the Tiger Woods incident recently. While I like juicy gossip more then most people, I am already bored with "Tigergate."

The reality of the situation is that we probably won't ever know what happened to cause that crash but if we want to speculate (and we do)..... Tiger's wife probably found out he was cheating, started chasing him around the house threatening to beat him to death with a golf club so he took off in the car to get away from her. Unfortunately he lost control of the car and crashed which gave her a GREAT opportunity to drag him out into the street and beat him senseless.

Now if this is actually what happened, I say more power to her. I am generally not an advocate of violence, but the moral of the story here is don't cheat on your wife and you won't get beaten in the face with your own golf club.

Clearly Tiger had never heard the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

Elin.... I am pretty sure since you look like this

you could take Tiger to court, get half his property and find yourself a new man.

|

So as a member of the world's pale force, summer always brings out the inevitable comments from people who see me in a swim suit:

" God you are so pale"

" Wow we should call you Casper."

and my personal favorite

"Wow you must never get any sun!"

What I want to ask these people is.... When did being tan become a requirement?

I did not have any control over the color of my skin, and even if I was to sit outside in the sun all day long every day, I would not be tan.... I would be in the hospital being treated for second degree burns. If I don't lather every inch of my body up with 40 SPF every time I venture out into the sun, these same morons would be telling me "Wow you look like a lobster."

So explain to me oh judgers of pale people.... how would you suggest I change my skin color?

Some have suggested using a fake tanner but I think I will pass on looking like an oompa loompa... and more importantly why should I have to? Is there some sort of rule that being tan is a qualification for being attractive?

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have been known for the pale color of their skin. Anne Hathaway, Nicole Kidman and Marilyn Monroe didn't color their skin orange to fit in, so why should I?

So the next time a moron decides to comment on my lack of pigmentation I will tell them I think I see a cancer spot growing on their back.






OR


HUM...... such a tough choice to make

|